Letting Go
Posted: 03/04/2010 Filed under: Favorites, Photography, Quotes, Thoughts | Tags: bouquet, bridesmaid, clutter, dried bouquet, emotional clutter, letting go, material things, organizing, Peter Walsh, wedding 36 Comments »
My bridal bouquet in no way resembled the one I had hoped for. My vision had been a profusion of coral-and-rust blossoms cascading from my hands. My reality was an orange-and-ivory, outsized-and-upright version of my sister’s bridesmaid bouquet. When I first saw it, I was disappointed, but decided eh bien, tant pis!
After the wedding, I said, “Let’s toss it.”
A loved one said, “No, wait — dry it. Then decide. You might want it.”
“Maybe, yes. Yeah, okay,” I hemmed and hawed.
So the bouquet was dried, along with my sister’s. The flowers then proceeded to tag along with my loved one through two residences. Recently, she decided, “Enough!” and packed up the bouquets and shipped them to me.
The bouquets knocked about our house for a few weeks, moving from vase to vase, and room to room. They didn’t make me happy when I saw them, but I kept them around out of guilt and and a sense of obligation. (“But they’re from my wedding!”)
This morning, I remembered an interview I read a year ago with a professional organizer named Peter Walsh, who talked about the link between untidy, unhappy thoughts (“emotional clutter”) and the physical clutter that often accompanies it. He said this, which really stuck with me:
A lot of clutter is a lack of acceptance that a moment has passed.
I love that line, because it is so true! Our wedding was a wonderful moment. But it has passed! And the relevance of those flowers to my life has also passed. So in a gesture of spring cleaning, and of making space in my physical (and emotional) life for new (and with luck, wonderful) moments, I photographed the flowers, and then I let them go.
And letting go felt really, really, very good.
In the modern world where material things are so easy to come by, we’ve all got plenty of clutter weighing us down. (My office is testament to this.) So I encourage you: take up one item of yours, and let it go. I promise: you will feel great once it’s done!
My next clutter stop? My file cabinet.
I’ll work my way up to the closet.
So glad that you came to terms with your bouquet…the dried flowers are much more beautiful, and the colors so subtle, they make a lovely photo to remember them by!
Wow! Amazing shot!
I like Your blog and I want to follow it! I like the way You express Your thoughts…
well written and something we all can relate too; well done!
This is something I really struggle with too–it’s so hard for me to let go of things when they should’ve been long gone. Thanks for sharing!
Can’t wait for my wedding
Letting go is always hard, but necessary. But no one says we have to let go on anyone’s timeframe but our own.
Funny – I think men let go more easily, of what is sentimental at least. Grudges? Not so much.
Enjoyed.
A lot of truth in this quote “A lot of clutter is a lack of acceptance that a moment has passed.” – Thanx for your entry – definitely food for thought – at so many levels.
- Josef
Great advice. I am always brave about tossing something until the moment of decision arrives.
I dried my bridal bouquet and kept it for a few years until I developed an allergy and hated anything that harboured any dust. So out it went.
Really nice post. I have dragged boxes and boxes of detritus from home to home over the years. It’s probably time to let those boxes go (especially since I have no idea what’s in them…).
Thank you for this very thoughtful post. I move every few years from country to country so i can never keep material things for a long time – just memories, some clothes and shoes and of course my husband and daughter!
Quite literally hip deep in boxes waiting to be upacked (we moved close to a year ago, but remodeling takes a bit of time and space), I took a break to read your blog and can’t help but think what excellent timing! Thank you for reminding me that it isn’t the material goods that we hold near and dear, it’s the memories attached to them. As I unpack, I’ll keep your words of wisdom in mind and keep only what is truly meant to be kept.
Love your blog.
My wife had trouble finally getting rid of hers as well.
It’s always a good idea to “travel light”. Thank you for this article. Neil Kornswiet
What a response this entry has received! We all see ourselves in this and we all must deal with this issue (and you know I have someone near and dear that really has a problem). So I have printed the article and am going to share it, along with another offer to help (hope I can carry through with the offer) and also take it to heart myself. I need to start uncluttering and organizing (and now I have time). This way, I make the decisions of what to keep and what to let go of, thereby not leaving it to someone else someday in the future. Thanks for the information; I’m with you on this. Good luck.
If it’s something you cherish, give it a place of honor. If it can be hidden in a drawer or in a box in the attic maybe it can be tossed or given away. I’m talking to myself here. Thanks for the reminder. Farmergal
wonderful advice! I have moved countries twice now and different homes on each side of the pond so I too have learned to travel light and yes, that quote is Excellent!! IN our case my DH is the hoarder and THAT quote is him to a T although he would never admit it. So glad I found your blog
From the distance of 28 years of marriage, I have to disagree. TAKE THEM OUT OF THE TRASH!! If you have a daughter, you will enjoy looking at them together, if not, they are still a tangible and pretty easily portable memento of your wedding day. Just my 2cents worth… Keep blogging!!
I’m such a hoarder and I attach sentimental value to anything and everything – I can barely part with junk, I could never let go of something with even a shred of real importance! I do try to be ruthless when I get round to having a clearout, but it’s a losing battle lol!
As an educator (that we both know) told me almost 40 years ago, “Nothing is precious.” Moving through life I have come to believe that this concept is true. It is somewhat of a Buddhist belief, but the material is not the precious part of our lives.
I wish I had come across that wonderful thought about “the moment has passed” a couple of years ago, when I was emptying out my parents’ condo. My mother had recently passed away, and dad had departed six years earlier. My desire to honor the memory of my parents became entangled with a desire to hold onto… what? My father’s toolbox? My grandfather’s maps of the Western Front? My sister’s old Barbie doll? The thousands of books that they owned? The easiest items to deal with were the ones that could be passed on to someone else who would give them new life. Not all of them fit that description. Thanks for your interesting ideas on this subject.
In last decade or so I have moved a lot and lost a lot. Just six months ago my hand bag was stolen my camera was in it. I miss my camera often but I do not attach much emotion to it. Because I can do nothing about it and I don’t hve budget to replace it. It is no more with me that is the fact. And now when I am reading this post by mistake I have deleted a folder from the recyle bin, It was full of important pictures. Can I do anything about it? No I guess not. Restoration is too much work. So what is gone is gone is the fact and now it is up to me, what I do with this fact- brood over it or move on.
The reality remains it is up to us what we do with it? Enjoy it or not enjoy it.
i wish my dad would read this. He’s holding lots old things. He’s still keeping the old sewing machine that my grandma ( his mother ) owned. And the result, his house is full of clusters. (Sigh) How can i let him understand that….. u have to let go and u cherish someone in the memory and not as in the material objects.
This is such an encouraging post, so nicely outlining a positive way to go about a difficult (for some) process. The funny thing is, about a month ago I was going through a closet, and came across my almost 2-year old wedding bouquet in a grocery bag I had put it in (sentimental, I know)…there were dried up pieces crumbling off and getting all over the place, so I just reinforced it with another bag over the top, and put it back…..I thought about throwing them out, then of course thought “but they’re from my wedding!” Maybe I’ll follow your example at some point soon…hmmm…
Great picture too!
Thank you for writing about this!!
Great blog and agree 100% people should let go and i know some people that just cant but need to hopefully one day they will and great pic.
Wonderful bouquet!
I can relate to how getting rid of the clutter is a spiritual practice. Sometimes it’s easier to toss out a garment that no longer makes a statement about who we are or how we feel about ourselves in this universe of not our choosing, but old ideas and beliefs, friendships that suck out energy – much harder!
Good luck working your way up to the closet!
Irisha
NICE! It’s such a perfect connection to my recent post for my monthly challenges. This month we are tackling Spring Cleaning: cleansing our lives of the stuff that has become overwhelming, hinderances, subtle and not so subtle reminders of who we thought we should be no matter how far off we were from reality. So anyway, jump over and share your thoughts http://www.inneractivefitclub.wordpress.com I’d like to come back and see what you are talking about again! Thanks for sharing.
After reading your post I’m really glad I didn’t end up having my bouquet dried. My florist very nearly convinced me to use a ‘throw-away’ bouquet, but I think my common-sense prevailed. It was actually quite a nice feeling to see that it went to someone who wanted it at the end.
Now the only flowers we keep in the house are the real ones.
Good luck with the rest of your de-cluttering.
It is often hard to let go, but boy doesnt it feel good when you do!!
In buddhism they speak a lot about attachment as being a negative thing, I dont know that I agree entirely – but we certainly live in a world where we feel the need to claim things. For some reason we all seem to have to hold onto things, and accumulate things, buy new things -always about having a lot. It is only when you really take the time to go through them that you realise you really only need a fraction of what you have.
Anyway, enough rambling! I like your blog
i love dried flowers, u can smell them better I personally think.
Beautiful post. I concur completely; simplifying and getting rid of clutter (even the really sentimental kind we’re afraid to part with on principle) can feel so, so freeing. I actually wrote about a similar experience myself not too long ago.
So glad to have found your blog!
Hi Laurie,
Longtime reader, first time commenter. I went back and read the interview with Peter Walsh. The line that really jumped out at me was “Inside we’re all 8-year-olds expecting someone to pick up after us. Those days are gone.” Ah…how true.
Congrats on your big hot-shot blogspot spotlight the other day!
-Chris
I read your post the other day and today I came back to read it again. In the past few months I have been trying to let go of things (resentment, hatred…) that I don’t need anymore and that are just an obstacle to my personal growth. I will keep your post in mind, thank you!
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